Britney Is Dead - Britney Spears 1981-1998

Britney Is Dead
Britney Spears 1981-1998
Clues in Britney's Lyrics
Clues in NSYNC's Lyrics
 
Yes, it's sad, but true.
 
Our beloved pop tart, Britney Spears, has been dead for about five years now. And a massive conspiracy on behalf of the music industry has kept this fact from her ever-diminishing legion of fans for just as long. But I've uncovered the truth. The one we've been calling Britney may be not a girl and not yet a woman, but she is an imposter. And I have the evidence to prove it.

Let me start at the beginning:
Britney had just wrapped up her first album, "Baby One More Time" and had recently completed filming the video for the title track. The record label knew that they had a major hit on their hands. Britney had also just begun a relationship with NSYNC vocalist Justin Timberlake, and they promised to be the hottest couple on the music scene.

But then, only two days after the filming of the "Baby One More Time" video, Britney, only sixteen and not yet licensed to drive, borrowed her mother's car to go joyriding. With Justin in the passenger seat, Britney lost control of the car. Britney was decapitated in the accident. Justin was severely burned, received massive head injuries, and has since been in a coma. He is not expected to recover.

Britney's sudden death left her label with two options:
1) Shelve the album and video.
Problem: They'd already invested much time and money in Britney's career, and would take a huge loss if they didn't release the material.
2) Release them as being the final work of a once-promising-but-now-dead teenage singer.
Problem: It's a known fact that teenagers in the late 90's did not listen to dead people (just look at how poorly Janis Joplin and Jim Groce have done in the teenage market lately)
Let's face it, neither option was acceptable. So one of the geniuses at the record label came up with an even better idea. Replace Britney with a look-alike and continue her career!
The heads of the label immediately headed to the nearest shopping mall and found quite a few girls who resembled Britney. They settled on a girl named Britney Shears, whose uncle Billy Shears had replaced Paul McCartney after his death in 1966.
But there were two problems:
1) Britney Shears had a noticably larger chest than Britney Spears. The label handled this by starting a rumor that Britney had gotten a boob-job.
2) Also, Britney Shears had no discernable talent. But so far, no one's really noticed.
Of course, another problem concerned Justin Timberlake. How does a comatose singer remain in a really hot band (other than just doing really mellow music)? But it was easily solvable. Justin has been replaced at various times with members of the Backstreet Boys, 98 Degrees, LFO and O-Town. No one has noticed the difference, since they all look and sound alike anyways. In fact, most of the popular boy-bands of the day are comprised of only about twelve different individuals altogether.

Judge for yourself!              

Britney Spears Before the accident	Britney Spears After the accident	Britney Shears The Look-Alike (Notice the larger chest Hard not to notice, isn't it?)

Click here to see clues in Britney's Lyrics
Click here to see clues in NSYNC's lyrics
Now including Justin's solo album, "Justified"!

Clues In Britney's Videos
Okay, I haven't actually seen all of her videos (I'm more a VH1 guy than an MTV guy). But those that I have seen are riddled with clues about Britney's being dead. Here are some examples.
In "Sometimes" (the first performance by Britney Shears), Britney is wearing white and watching a young man from afar, fantasizing about doing some choreographed dance moves with him. This is clearly a reference to Britney being in Heaven and watching over her beau, Justin.
In "Lucky", Britney plays two roles. That of some sort of supernatural being (visible only to the viewer), and that of an unhappy pop star who the supernatural being is watching over. Obviously, this is a reference to the two Britneys: Britney Spears: now dead, and Britney Shears: now a pop star.
In "Stronger", there's a part near the end where Britney is driving a car. It spins out of control, and then we see Britney standing in front of the stopped car. This is a reference to the car accident which ended her life.

Backwards messages:
If your CD player has the ability to play songs backwards, you can hear these messages for yourself!
1) In the second chorus of "Oops! I did it again", you can clearly hear a disembodied voice saying "Oops! I just got decapitated in a car accident!"
2) In the talking at the beginning of "Satisfaction", a voice says, "Britney is dead, girl, like, Ohmigawd!"
3) In the fade-out at the end of "Lucky", you can hear Bob Dole's voice saying "Turn me on, dead girl."

There are no clues in this picture.
I'm just including it because I think it's kinda hot!


Contact Me
Please note that this site is intended as a joke.
To the best of my knowledge, Britney and Justin are alive and well.
Here are some more of my humor sites:
King David's Ponderables
What I've Learned From The Movies
You Might Be Addicted To AOL If...
Religious Jokes
You Might Be A Michigander If...
And a site about interesting (and possibly even true!) facts:
Stuff You Didn't Know